My drop in the ocean
Friday, 29 February 2008
Humility in an argument
I had an argument with a close friend some days ago. It started out as whether two singers had rendered two versions of a song in the same way, or was there a subtle difference in the notes they were singing. In particular, we were concentrating on a specific part of the song. I was saying there was a difference of half a note in the renditions, my friend was saying there was no difference at all.
Now I had been listening to this song again and again for the past two days - so I was pretty sure I was right. I even offered to prove by playing both the versions on my electronic keyboard. But my friend couldn't make out the difference in the notes - this deepened my confidence that I was right. I even had the audacity to tell her that since I have played it on the keyboard, I know the difference, but since she has just been listening to it, she might not have noticed it. Pretty soon, we were raising our voices, each of us sure that the other was wrong.
To cut a long story short, I was wrong. I realized this the next day, and informed my friend accordingly. To her credit, she didn't gloat about it at all. But it set me thinking, how easily we are convinced that we are 100% right - so convinced in fact, that we see any arguments coming from the other person as a frivolous waste of time. Part of our mind tells us that the other person is arguing just for argument's sake - it doesn't strike us that we might be doing the same.
I think the key is in realizing that humility is very important in any argument or debate, more so with our close ones. When I say that I'm right and you're wrong, what I'm essentially saying is that I don't respect your opinion; I'm sure what I'm saying is correct and anything you say isn't going to change that. Which is just a case of a big ego blowing out a lot of hot air. It is possible that my facts are misplaced, or that I simply don't know some things that you do.
It is very easy for a nice healthy debate to turn into an ego war, with statements such as 'I know you're saying that just to prove your point', or 'You always distort facts' or 'Last time you were wrong, I know even this time you're just arguing for argument's sake'. We become so aggressive that we forget we have been wrong before, and we could be wrong this time too.
So, whenever you next look up facts to prove you're right in a debate, don't forget to download a little humility too :-)
Now I had been listening to this song again and again for the past two days - so I was pretty sure I was right. I even offered to prove by playing both the versions on my electronic keyboard. But my friend couldn't make out the difference in the notes - this deepened my confidence that I was right. I even had the audacity to tell her that since I have played it on the keyboard, I know the difference, but since she has just been listening to it, she might not have noticed it. Pretty soon, we were raising our voices, each of us sure that the other was wrong.
To cut a long story short, I was wrong. I realized this the next day, and informed my friend accordingly. To her credit, she didn't gloat about it at all. But it set me thinking, how easily we are convinced that we are 100% right - so convinced in fact, that we see any arguments coming from the other person as a frivolous waste of time. Part of our mind tells us that the other person is arguing just for argument's sake - it doesn't strike us that we might be doing the same.
I think the key is in realizing that humility is very important in any argument or debate, more so with our close ones. When I say that I'm right and you're wrong, what I'm essentially saying is that I don't respect your opinion; I'm sure what I'm saying is correct and anything you say isn't going to change that. Which is just a case of a big ego blowing out a lot of hot air. It is possible that my facts are misplaced, or that I simply don't know some things that you do.
It is very easy for a nice healthy debate to turn into an ego war, with statements such as 'I know you're saying that just to prove your point', or 'You always distort facts' or 'Last time you were wrong, I know even this time you're just arguing for argument's sake'. We become so aggressive that we forget we have been wrong before, and we could be wrong this time too.
So, whenever you next look up facts to prove you're right in a debate, don't forget to download a little humility too :-)
Wednesday, 2 January 2008
Spaghetti, anyone?
The human thought process - many a times, I've seen this referred to as a chain, a chain of thoughts. However, personally I've always felt thoughts came from several directions and branched out into yet other directions. More of a jumbled bunch of spaghetti than a clean chain.
When you think aloud, though, you tend to focus on a single strand, hence the chain. What's interesting is how many coherent chains one can form from the complex kaleidoscope of thoughts. The more, the better thinker a person is.
Try this simple exercise - it's a tad difficult to 'try' actually, it just happens. When you're relaxed (the best time is at night, before you fall asleep), just let your thoughts wander. Then try to back-track your thought process. Here's one example: I thought of getting my bike serviced, then a bike accident I heard about from my mom, then I remembered my girlfriend's brother is getting a new bike, then an image of her brother while he was in school, then a recollection of my school days; particularly the prayer sessions we used to have, then how I had played the school and national anthem on the keyboard during a prayer session, back to how I'm itching to play some tunes right now, then to this neat song I heard on TV today, then to why the Jodhaa-Akbar soundtrack hasn't been released yet, then to how one of my best friends is waiting anxiously for that movie to get released, then to how I hate Hrithik's overacting, cut to a scene from Lakshya where he's trying to act like an irresponsible brat.......
Well, all these happened in a flash, the fun was in backtracking them. At many points, I simply can't remember what led me to think of a particular thing - but then you also have to take into account that in between this chain, sometimes a truly random thought comes in and apparently spoils the game :)
When you think aloud, though, you tend to focus on a single strand, hence the chain. What's interesting is how many coherent chains one can form from the complex kaleidoscope of thoughts. The more, the better thinker a person is.
Try this simple exercise - it's a tad difficult to 'try' actually, it just happens. When you're relaxed (the best time is at night, before you fall asleep), just let your thoughts wander. Then try to back-track your thought process. Here's one example: I thought of getting my bike serviced, then a bike accident I heard about from my mom, then I remembered my girlfriend's brother is getting a new bike, then an image of her brother while he was in school, then a recollection of my school days; particularly the prayer sessions we used to have, then how I had played the school and national anthem on the keyboard during a prayer session, back to how I'm itching to play some tunes right now, then to this neat song I heard on TV today, then to why the Jodhaa-Akbar soundtrack hasn't been released yet, then to how one of my best friends is waiting anxiously for that movie to get released, then to how I hate Hrithik's overacting, cut to a scene from Lakshya where he's trying to act like an irresponsible brat.......
Well, all these happened in a flash, the fun was in backtracking them. At many points, I simply can't remember what led me to think of a particular thing - but then you also have to take into account that in between this chain, sometimes a truly random thought comes in and apparently spoils the game :)
Labels: chain, game, mind, process, spaghetti, think, thinking, thought
Tuesday, 30 October 2007
Death is....
...no big deal. Or is it?
Really now, why do we make such a fuss about death? I won't go with the 'it's inevitable, why worry about it' argument, though that line of thinking does have its benefits. I was thinking more about why we feel uncomfortable about death in the first place.
(As always, I would stress that this can be better thought about if you cast aside your prejudices and personal fears regarding death before reading on. Often we have preconceived notions so deeply ingrained in our minds that we have difficulty exploring other aspects of an idea.)
If you think about it, we look at death from at least four angles. We either see death as our own, or the death of a loved one, or the death of an unknown person (maybe in the news), or that of, say, an insect. How our ideas change as we move along this spectrum!
The last category is the one we think least about, if at all. You witness, or are the cause of, hundreds of deaths everyday. We know since childhood that animals are killed for food, leather and other items of human consumption. We know that insects are crushed under our feet everyday, microbes killed by millions when we cook, pests killed for invading our houses. These deaths we are more or less impassive about - we take them as part of Nature's cycle, a necessity, sometimes unfortunately so, but nevertheless important. We use terms like 'to maintain balance and equilibrium' when talking about these deaths. And quite rightly, in my opinion.
However, the ways of Mother Nature are not the topic of our discussion. We move to the third category, death of a fellow human being, albeit an unknown face. This sometimes pains us and leads to the sentiment 'Why so much sorrow, such suffering?' - but given the enormous exposure to the latest news from around the world, round the clock, and the fact that most news is bad news, we end up seeing so much death that we are in danger of becoming insensitive to this category too. We feel a tinge of sorrow for the demise of one of our kind, but usually that's the extent of it. As Stalin had remarked, "A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic". Of course, if the manner of death was gruesome, like a gory accident, or the circumstances are overly tragic (a couple losing their only child), we tend to take more notice of the incident than usual - maybe because we can't help thinking of us in their position? And that brings us to the personal part of the death spectrum.
The second category is perhaps the one we dread most - losing a person close to us. We attach our lives to those of so many other people, and it becomes difficult to understand what we fear more, losing that bond, or losing them. A lot of us can't even differentiate between the two losses. The death of a loved one is so disturbing to most of us, the topic is usually taboo even between the closest of friends. People we have been accustomed to, doted on, depended on for small things, taken for granted - when such people leave us, it shatters our world. From a neutral point of view, this could be labeled as hypocrisy: it matters to you when someone close dies, but not when thousands of people are killed in a war somewhere. But that is an unfair line of reasoning. Humanity is defined strongly through relationships, and this difference in attitude is but natural. That the loss of a friend or relation deeply affects you is understandable, but one should also bear in mind that this was bound to happen some day - even though we don't like to think about it, we can't wish it away. And it is a necessary part of life - paradoxical, I know, that death should be a part of life - a part as natural and important as the full stop at the end of this sentence.
As we mature with age and experience, we constantly grow more philosophical about our own death. The first category we mentioned of how we perceive death is perhaps the most perplexing and definitely the most important of the lot. Because for a lot of us, death is like the finishing whistle in a seashell-picking contest - we want to pick up all the shells we can before time runs out. This comes in the form of 'Things to do before I die' - a list I suspect all of us have consciously or subconsciously been maintaining throughout our lives. I believe what a man thinks of his death says a lot about him. Death is the great Unknown, we don't know what it will be like - what, then, are we apprehensive about? All we know about death is what we have heard from others (none of them dead) and imagined in our minds. The fear of death to us is the same as the fear of darkness is to children, and stories just serve to increase fear in both cases.
In fact, it is more likely that we fear the mode of death more than death itself. Physical pain, suffering, the trouble and sorrow for those who love us - are we afraid of these more than the actual thing? Or is it just the fear of leaving so many thoughts unsaid, so many things undone before we leave, never to return, never getting a second chance? It could be anything, but one thing is for sure - when you take death into perspective, life certainly takes on a fresh meaning.
Really now, why do we make such a fuss about death? I won't go with the 'it's inevitable, why worry about it' argument, though that line of thinking does have its benefits. I was thinking more about why we feel uncomfortable about death in the first place.
(As always, I would stress that this can be better thought about if you cast aside your prejudices and personal fears regarding death before reading on. Often we have preconceived notions so deeply ingrained in our minds that we have difficulty exploring other aspects of an idea.)
If you think about it, we look at death from at least four angles. We either see death as our own, or the death of a loved one, or the death of an unknown person (maybe in the news), or that of, say, an insect. How our ideas change as we move along this spectrum!
The last category is the one we think least about, if at all. You witness, or are the cause of, hundreds of deaths everyday. We know since childhood that animals are killed for food, leather and other items of human consumption. We know that insects are crushed under our feet everyday, microbes killed by millions when we cook, pests killed for invading our houses. These deaths we are more or less impassive about - we take them as part of Nature's cycle, a necessity, sometimes unfortunately so, but nevertheless important. We use terms like 'to maintain balance and equilibrium' when talking about these deaths. And quite rightly, in my opinion.
However, the ways of Mother Nature are not the topic of our discussion. We move to the third category, death of a fellow human being, albeit an unknown face. This sometimes pains us and leads to the sentiment 'Why so much sorrow, such suffering?' - but given the enormous exposure to the latest news from around the world, round the clock, and the fact that most news is bad news, we end up seeing so much death that we are in danger of becoming insensitive to this category too. We feel a tinge of sorrow for the demise of one of our kind, but usually that's the extent of it. As Stalin had remarked, "A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic". Of course, if the manner of death was gruesome, like a gory accident, or the circumstances are overly tragic (a couple losing their only child), we tend to take more notice of the incident than usual - maybe because we can't help thinking of us in their position? And that brings us to the personal part of the death spectrum.
The second category is perhaps the one we dread most - losing a person close to us. We attach our lives to those of so many other people, and it becomes difficult to understand what we fear more, losing that bond, or losing them. A lot of us can't even differentiate between the two losses. The death of a loved one is so disturbing to most of us, the topic is usually taboo even between the closest of friends. People we have been accustomed to, doted on, depended on for small things, taken for granted - when such people leave us, it shatters our world. From a neutral point of view, this could be labeled as hypocrisy: it matters to you when someone close dies, but not when thousands of people are killed in a war somewhere. But that is an unfair line of reasoning. Humanity is defined strongly through relationships, and this difference in attitude is but natural. That the loss of a friend or relation deeply affects you is understandable, but one should also bear in mind that this was bound to happen some day - even though we don't like to think about it, we can't wish it away. And it is a necessary part of life - paradoxical, I know, that death should be a part of life - a part as natural and important as the full stop at the end of this sentence.
As we mature with age and experience, we constantly grow more philosophical about our own death. The first category we mentioned of how we perceive death is perhaps the most perplexing and definitely the most important of the lot. Because for a lot of us, death is like the finishing whistle in a seashell-picking contest - we want to pick up all the shells we can before time runs out. This comes in the form of 'Things to do before I die' - a list I suspect all of us have consciously or subconsciously been maintaining throughout our lives. I believe what a man thinks of his death says a lot about him. Death is the great Unknown, we don't know what it will be like - what, then, are we apprehensive about? All we know about death is what we have heard from others (none of them dead) and imagined in our minds. The fear of death to us is the same as the fear of darkness is to children, and stories just serve to increase fear in both cases.
In fact, it is more likely that we fear the mode of death more than death itself. Physical pain, suffering, the trouble and sorrow for those who love us - are we afraid of these more than the actual thing? Or is it just the fear of leaving so many thoughts unsaid, so many things undone before we leave, never to return, never getting a second chance? It could be anything, but one thing is for sure - when you take death into perspective, life certainly takes on a fresh meaning.
Friday, 19 October 2007
Love is ......
....probably the funniest thing around :)
I'm not cynical about love - I have been deeply in love with the same woman for several years now. But it always amuses me what people do in love, one minute a man can be the wisest guy around, the next minute love turns him into a relentless fool. But the beauty of it all is that often it is also the other way around.
We can get away with the most foolish things in love - and still be labelled heroes. There is no dearth of clichés and stereotypes on the topic of everlasting love. "Love is letting go" is a oft-quoted one. Seriously! Some people applaud at this. "Love is suffering. The more you suffer in love, the purer it grows". This one probably came from a masochist. Or it could have come from his sadist lover for that matter. Well, during certain phases of life (for some people, all their lives), we swear by such quotes on love.
Some people establish rules - "Love is selfless" (Oh yeah, right!), "Love is having no expectations" (Tell that to my girlfriend on Valentine's Day!), "Love is never having to say you're sorry" (Please don't try this one after you've been an hour late for your date), "Love is not what binds you, love is what sets you free" (Why am I not allowed to admire other girls then?)
Disclaimer: The comments in brackets are purely attempted humor and not my own thoughts (really, darling, if you're reading this!)
Coming back, how many of you feel we tend to love the way we've been told to - in novels, movies, stories. I feel we have these clichés in the back of our minds, and they govern our behaviour in love, conscious or otherwise. Maybe it is for the better, and maybe these 'rules' really do make things smoother. That is not my point - I'm just wondering how much we think for ourselves and how much we let romantic decorum dictate our ideas. The next time you're inclined to do something heroic/romantic in love, go ahead and do it, but also try and think about it, it might provide some amusement :o)
All said and done, love deserves full credit for stopping all logicians and reason-toting professors in their tracks. For "Love is a matter of the heart, and the heart follows no reasoning, no logic" after all! So much to say about love, so little time; maybe another post, another day.
I'm not cynical about love - I have been deeply in love with the same woman for several years now. But it always amuses me what people do in love, one minute a man can be the wisest guy around, the next minute love turns him into a relentless fool. But the beauty of it all is that often it is also the other way around.
We can get away with the most foolish things in love - and still be labelled heroes. There is no dearth of clichés and stereotypes on the topic of everlasting love. "Love is letting go" is a oft-quoted one. Seriously! Some people applaud at this. "Love is suffering. The more you suffer in love, the purer it grows". This one probably came from a masochist. Or it could have come from his sadist lover for that matter. Well, during certain phases of life (for some people, all their lives), we swear by such quotes on love.
Some people establish rules - "Love is selfless" (Oh yeah, right!), "Love is having no expectations" (Tell that to my girlfriend on Valentine's Day!), "Love is never having to say you're sorry" (Please don't try this one after you've been an hour late for your date), "Love is not what binds you, love is what sets you free" (Why am I not allowed to admire other girls then?)
Disclaimer: The comments in brackets are purely attempted humor and not my own thoughts (really, darling, if you're reading this!)
Coming back, how many of you feel we tend to love the way we've been told to - in novels, movies, stories. I feel we have these clichés in the back of our minds, and they govern our behaviour in love, conscious or otherwise. Maybe it is for the better, and maybe these 'rules' really do make things smoother. That is not my point - I'm just wondering how much we think for ourselves and how much we let romantic decorum dictate our ideas. The next time you're inclined to do something heroic/romantic in love, go ahead and do it, but also try and think about it, it might provide some amusement :o)
All said and done, love deserves full credit for stopping all logicians and reason-toting professors in their tracks. For "Love is a matter of the heart, and the heart follows no reasoning, no logic" after all! So much to say about love, so little time; maybe another post, another day.
Thursday, 18 October 2007
Recognition: the first step
A problem. Needs to be solved. Easy to solve. No one knows of problem's existence. Chances of it being solved? Very less.
If I go to my doctor and say, 'Doctor, give me something, I'm feeling terribly unwell', chances are that my doctor's first question will be along the lines of 'What's wrong?'
If I reply 'I don't know, I can't tell exactly, but I feel everything is wrong and I'm panicking - I don't know what to do', it's not going to help the good doctor cure my ailment. For that he needs to know exactly whats my issue. If it's a really bad cold+headache, he can prescribe something to clear my airway and soothe my nose and lungs. He can advise me to take an aspirin to relieve me of my headache. But for that he has to know my problem. For that, I have to know my problem.
Have you experienced this? Most things in life seem to going against you, you don't know what the problem is, but you seem to be swimming against life in most aspects. There is a feeling of unease, that things are not what they should be, circumstances can and should be better, why isn't my job satisfying me, why is my love life not fulfilling, why don't I feel happy around my family? If you have, join the club....
If you do get this feeling of something being wrong, there's pretty much only two things you can do - wait and ride over the feeling, or pinpoint what's wrong and get down to resolving it. The first option is we often (involuntarily) choose. We give in to the sinking feeling, brood for a couple of days, become irritable and moody, and wait for the gloominess to slowly wear off. But this is the passive approach. We don't improve, we certainly don't learn anything, and worse, the feeling can and does come back.
The second option is recognition - try to realize what's wrong with you. If work is a source of sorrow, track down what is causing it. Is it an incompatible colleague? A demanding/irritating boss? Unsatisfying work? Less pay? Lack of recognition of your efforts? A feeling of going nowhere despite working your ass off?
Once you have a draft of your list, you can classify the problems into the ones you can do something about and the others which are beyond your control. The second category is not worth worrying about, so you can set out formulating action plans for tackling the first set of problems. This builds confidence, and basically gives you something to do, rather than mull about, blaming your fate. Once the items start being stricken off the list, you get a sense of progress in your endeavour, and your attitude improves.
The bottomline? By a simple strategy of recognising and putting your specific problems onto paper, you can chalk out a plan to defeat those nitty-gritty issues, and emerge a much better....and happier person. Again, sounds theoretical I know, but it is working for me, and it might work for you.
If I go to my doctor and say, 'Doctor, give me something, I'm feeling terribly unwell', chances are that my doctor's first question will be along the lines of 'What's wrong?'
If I reply 'I don't know, I can't tell exactly, but I feel everything is wrong and I'm panicking - I don't know what to do', it's not going to help the good doctor cure my ailment. For that he needs to know exactly whats my issue. If it's a really bad cold+headache, he can prescribe something to clear my airway and soothe my nose and lungs. He can advise me to take an aspirin to relieve me of my headache. But for that he has to know my problem. For that, I have to know my problem.
Have you experienced this? Most things in life seem to going against you, you don't know what the problem is, but you seem to be swimming against life in most aspects. There is a feeling of unease, that things are not what they should be, circumstances can and should be better, why isn't my job satisfying me, why is my love life not fulfilling, why don't I feel happy around my family? If you have, join the club....
If you do get this feeling of something being wrong, there's pretty much only two things you can do - wait and ride over the feeling, or pinpoint what's wrong and get down to resolving it. The first option is we often (involuntarily) choose. We give in to the sinking feeling, brood for a couple of days, become irritable and moody, and wait for the gloominess to slowly wear off. But this is the passive approach. We don't improve, we certainly don't learn anything, and worse, the feeling can and does come back.
The second option is recognition - try to realize what's wrong with you. If work is a source of sorrow, track down what is causing it. Is it an incompatible colleague? A demanding/irritating boss? Unsatisfying work? Less pay? Lack of recognition of your efforts? A feeling of going nowhere despite working your ass off?
Once you have a draft of your list, you can classify the problems into the ones you can do something about and the others which are beyond your control. The second category is not worth worrying about, so you can set out formulating action plans for tackling the first set of problems. This builds confidence, and basically gives you something to do, rather than mull about, blaming your fate. Once the items start being stricken off the list, you get a sense of progress in your endeavour, and your attitude improves.
The bottomline? By a simple strategy of recognising and putting your specific problems onto paper, you can chalk out a plan to defeat those nitty-gritty issues, and emerge a much better....and happier person. Again, sounds theoretical I know, but it is working for me, and it might work for you.
Why I smile to myself...
My friends accuse me of smiling to myself a lot, as if remembering some private joke. It seems I break into a smile and shake my head, and on being asked about the source of that smile, I just say 'Nothing' and sideline the matter. So, what do I smile at? :)
I have this new thing about being aware of my thoughts. Whenever I think or act silly, a red warning light goes on in my head and says 'Dude, you're being stupid'. Recently I felt a twinge of jealousy about a close friend spending too much time with her other friends and not with me. And moments later, I was smiling to myself, thinking 'Man, you actually felt jealous about this?'
And at the same time I'm also thinking, 'When I'm preaching, this is exactly what I talk against. It's silly to feel jealous about this, it's illogical, it just doesn't hold water. If I could reason to myself before feeling anything, I would reason against feeling even the slightest bit jealous about this. But alas, the human mind is so weak, that we entertain thoughts we know are wrong, and there's very little we can do to stop it.'
This was a very small incident. Often we give in to ego - that great relationship killer. Ego is very important for self-development - anyone who has read Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead will agree with me on this. But this same ego is the number one bane when you become close to someone else. One says things one shouldn't, one thinks thoughts one knows are wrong. It is at moments like this that you know for sure you should not be thinking/saying/doing something, but your ego yanks the steering wheel from your hands and goes its own way. This is amusing when you think about it. You know you should not do something, but you end up doing it anyway.
That is why I smile. Don't tell my friends :)
I have this new thing about being aware of my thoughts. Whenever I think or act silly, a red warning light goes on in my head and says 'Dude, you're being stupid'. Recently I felt a twinge of jealousy about a close friend spending too much time with her other friends and not with me. And moments later, I was smiling to myself, thinking 'Man, you actually felt jealous about this?'
And at the same time I'm also thinking, 'When I'm preaching, this is exactly what I talk against. It's silly to feel jealous about this, it's illogical, it just doesn't hold water. If I could reason to myself before feeling anything, I would reason against feeling even the slightest bit jealous about this. But alas, the human mind is so weak, that we entertain thoughts we know are wrong, and there's very little we can do to stop it.'
This was a very small incident. Often we give in to ego - that great relationship killer. Ego is very important for self-development - anyone who has read Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead will agree with me on this. But this same ego is the number one bane when you become close to someone else. One says things one shouldn't, one thinks thoughts one knows are wrong. It is at moments like this that you know for sure you should not be thinking/saying/doing something, but your ego yanks the steering wheel from your hands and goes its own way. This is amusing when you think about it. You know you should not do something, but you end up doing it anyway.
That is why I smile. Don't tell my friends :)
Tuesday, 16 October 2007
More! More!
If I ask you, do you think the majority of people in the world are happy or unhappy, most likely I'm going to hear an 'Unhappy, of course' from you. If not, I envy your faith in humankind.
Now we get to that elusive question, 'Why?'. Why are most people unhappy?
'If they knew that, Mister, they wouldn't be unhappy any longer, would they?' you ask.
Not entirely true. There are so many things we know are wrong with us, but we simply lack the strength or the patience to correct them. So even if we know why we are unhappy, we might not have the resources to set that right.
Coming back to the Why?, I think in most of the cases it's a simple case of wanting more. Now we all agree that greediness is a vice and usually leads to misery and downfall. But we often fail to admit that we are being greedy in more ways than meets the eye.
When things go smoothly, they raise our expectation from life. Till we encounter a disaster, we are not ready to admit that something like this could happen to us. Think about it and you'll realize what a silly thought that is. These hiccups are what bring you back to earth. What shows you how little you had to begin with, how lucky you are to have anything that you have.
You fail an exam. Perhaps not due to your own fault. Just plain bad luck. Things are not going fine in any aspect of your life. You don't see eye to eye with your parents, you had a bitter argument with your best friend, a toothache has been giving you hell for a week now, your job is not giving you the satisfaction you had dreamt of, everything is becoming so expensive......the list goes on. Some people even go to the extent of pointing out 'He did the exact same thing as me, yet it wasn't a disaster for him, why me then?'. What is wrong with these people?
Perspective. The classic question of whether the glass is half-full or half-empty is deeper than you might have thought. The glass is unchanged. But seeing it as half-full shows you what you have, as opposed to what you don't have or what is lost already. This question might just hold the key to your entire happiness. But knowing the answer is not enough, you have to know it. Really know it. Believe it, understand why it is the right answer.
Everytime you complain about something, see whether it has a positive side. Very few things don't. The mere fact that you're alive and experiencing life should be good enough to keep you grinning for the rest of your time here. But let's be practical. When you quarrel with your parents, be thankful that you have parents. Imagine if you didn't. When your tooth aches, become aware of the parts of your body that are intact and working smoothly. We don't appreciate our body till it starts failing. Had you ever noticed that tooth before it started keeping you up at night? :)
This sounds nice on paper, and I'm pretty sure you knew this in theory. But try thinking in this way next time. Maybe in the beginning a voice in your head will say 'Whom am I fooling? Life sucks; a rosy perspective isn't going to solve anything. All it will do is make me more irritated.'
The voice is right in it's place. It's just a view, reality does not change. But with time, what will change is how you respond to that reality. How you adapt. With time, this perspective will become second nature.
And then you will ask yourself the same question, 'Why the hell are people unhappy?'
Now we get to that elusive question, 'Why?'. Why are most people unhappy?
'If they knew that, Mister, they wouldn't be unhappy any longer, would they?' you ask.
Not entirely true. There are so many things we know are wrong with us, but we simply lack the strength or the patience to correct them. So even if we know why we are unhappy, we might not have the resources to set that right.
Coming back to the Why?, I think in most of the cases it's a simple case of wanting more. Now we all agree that greediness is a vice and usually leads to misery and downfall. But we often fail to admit that we are being greedy in more ways than meets the eye.
When things go smoothly, they raise our expectation from life. Till we encounter a disaster, we are not ready to admit that something like this could happen to us. Think about it and you'll realize what a silly thought that is. These hiccups are what bring you back to earth. What shows you how little you had to begin with, how lucky you are to have anything that you have.
You fail an exam. Perhaps not due to your own fault. Just plain bad luck. Things are not going fine in any aspect of your life. You don't see eye to eye with your parents, you had a bitter argument with your best friend, a toothache has been giving you hell for a week now, your job is not giving you the satisfaction you had dreamt of, everything is becoming so expensive......the list goes on. Some people even go to the extent of pointing out 'He did the exact same thing as me, yet it wasn't a disaster for him, why me then?'. What is wrong with these people?
Perspective. The classic question of whether the glass is half-full or half-empty is deeper than you might have thought. The glass is unchanged. But seeing it as half-full shows you what you have, as opposed to what you don't have or what is lost already. This question might just hold the key to your entire happiness. But knowing the answer is not enough, you have to know it. Really know it. Believe it, understand why it is the right answer.
Everytime you complain about something, see whether it has a positive side. Very few things don't. The mere fact that you're alive and experiencing life should be good enough to keep you grinning for the rest of your time here. But let's be practical. When you quarrel with your parents, be thankful that you have parents. Imagine if you didn't. When your tooth aches, become aware of the parts of your body that are intact and working smoothly. We don't appreciate our body till it starts failing. Had you ever noticed that tooth before it started keeping you up at night? :)
This sounds nice on paper, and I'm pretty sure you knew this in theory. But try thinking in this way next time. Maybe in the beginning a voice in your head will say 'Whom am I fooling? Life sucks; a rosy perspective isn't going to solve anything. All it will do is make me more irritated.'
The voice is right in it's place. It's just a view, reality does not change. But with time, what will change is how you respond to that reality. How you adapt. With time, this perspective will become second nature.
And then you will ask yourself the same question, 'Why the hell are people unhappy?'