My drop in the ocean

...no big deal. Or is it?

Really now, why do we make such a fuss about death? I won't go with the 'it's inevitable, why worry about it' argument, though that line of thinking does have its benefits. I was thinking more about why we feel uncomfortable about death in the first place.

(As always, I would stress that this can be better thought about if you cast aside your prejudices and personal fears regarding death before reading on. Often we have preconceived notions so deeply ingrained in our minds that we have difficulty exploring other aspects of an idea.)

If you think about it, we look at death from at least four angles. We either see death as our own, or the death of a loved one, or the death of an unknown person (maybe in the news), or that of, say, an insect. How our ideas change as we move along this spectrum!

The last category is the one we think least about, if at all. You witness, or are the cause of, hundreds of deaths everyday. We know since childhood that animals are killed for food, leather and other items of human consumption. We know that insects are crushed under our feet everyday, microbes killed by millions when we cook, pests killed for invading our houses. These deaths we are more or less impassive about - we take them as part of Nature's cycle, a necessity, sometimes unfortunately so, but nevertheless important. We use terms like 'to maintain balance and equilibrium' when talking about these deaths. And quite rightly, in my opinion.

However, the ways of Mother Nature are not the topic of our discussion. We move to the third category, death of a fellow human being, albeit an unknown face. This sometimes pains us and leads to the sentiment 'Why so much sorrow, such suffering?' - but given the enormous exposure to the latest news from around the world, round the clock, and the fact that most news is bad news, we end up seeing so much death that we are in danger of becoming insensitive to this category too. We feel a tinge of sorrow for the demise of one of our kind, but usually that's the extent of it. As Stalin had remarked, "A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic". Of course, if the manner of death was gruesome, like a gory accident, or the circumstances are overly tragic (a couple losing their only child), we tend to take more notice of the incident than usual - maybe because we can't help thinking of us in their position? And that brings us to the personal part of the death spectrum.

The second category is perhaps the one we dread most - losing a person close to us. We attach our lives to those of so many other people, and it becomes difficult to understand what we fear more, losing that bond, or losing them. A lot of us can't even differentiate between the two losses. The death of a loved one is so disturbing to most of us, the topic is usually taboo even between the closest of friends. People we have been accustomed to, doted on, depended on for small things, taken for granted - when such people leave us, it shatters our world. From a neutral point of view, this could be labeled as hypocrisy: it matters to you when someone close dies, but not when thousands of people are killed in a war somewhere. But that is an unfair line of reasoning. Humanity is defined strongly through relationships, and this difference in attitude is but natural. That the loss of a friend or relation deeply affects you is understandable, but one should also bear in mind that this was bound to happen some day - even though we don't like to think about it, we can't wish it away. And it is a necessary part of life - paradoxical, I know, that death should be a part of life - a part as natural and important as the full stop at the end of this sentence.

As we mature with age and experience, we constantly grow more philosophical about our own death. The first category we mentioned of how we perceive death is perhaps the most perplexing and definitely the most important of the lot. Because for a lot of us, death is like the finishing whistle in a seashell-picking contest - we want to pick up all the shells we can before time runs out. This comes in the form of 'Things to do before I die' - a list I suspect all of us have consciously or subconsciously been maintaining throughout our lives. I believe what a man thinks of his death says a lot about him. Death is the great Unknown, we don't know what it will be like - what, then, are we apprehensive about? All we know about death is what we have heard from others (none of them dead) and imagined in our minds. The fear of death to us is the same as the fear of darkness is to children, and stories just serve to increase fear in both cases.

In fact, it is more likely that we fear the mode of death more than death itself. Physical pain, suffering, the trouble and sorrow for those who love us - are we afraid of these more than the actual thing? Or is it just the fear of leaving so many thoughts unsaid, so many things undone before we leave, never to return, never getting a second chance? It could be anything, but one thing is for sure - when you take death into perspective, life certainly takes on a fresh meaning.

Labels: death, dying, life

....probably the funniest thing around :)

I'm not cynical about love - I have been deeply in love with the same woman for several years now. But it always amuses me what people do in love, one minute a man can be the wisest guy around, the next minute love turns him into a relentless fool. But the beauty of it all is that often it is also the other way around.

We can get away with the most foolish things in love - and still be labelled heroes. There is no dearth of clichés and stereotypes on the topic of everlasting love. "Love is letting go" is a oft-quoted one. Seriously! Some people applaud at this. "Love is suffering. The more you suffer in love, the purer it grows". This one probably came from a masochist. Or it could have come from his sadist lover for that matter. Well, during certain phases of life (for some people, all their lives), we swear by such quotes on love.

Some people establish rules - "Love is selfless" (Oh yeah, right!), "Love is having no expectations" (Tell that to my girlfriend on Valentine's Day!), "Love is never having to say you're sorry" (Please don't try this one after you've been an hour late for your date), "Love is not what binds you, love is what sets you free" (Why am I not allowed to admire other girls then?)
Disclaimer: The comments in brackets are purely attempted humor and not my own thoughts (really, darling, if you're reading this!)

Coming back, how many of you feel we tend to love the way we've been told to - in novels, movies, stories. I feel we have these clichés in the back of our minds, and they govern our behaviour in love, conscious or otherwise. Maybe it is for the better, and maybe these 'rules' really do make things smoother. That is not my point - I'm just wondering how much we think for ourselves and how much we let romantic decorum dictate our ideas. The next time you're inclined to do something heroic/romantic in love, go ahead and do it, but also try and think about it, it might provide some amusement :o)

All said and done, love deserves full credit for stopping all logicians and reason-toting professors in their tracks. For "Love is a matter of the heart, and the heart follows no reasoning, no logic" after all! So much to say about love, so little time; maybe another post, another day.

A problem. Needs to be solved. Easy to solve. No one knows of problem's existence. Chances of it being solved? Very less.

If I go to my doctor and say, 'Doctor, give me something, I'm feeling terribly unwell', chances are that my doctor's first question will be along the lines of 'What's wrong?'
If I reply 'I don't know, I can't tell exactly, but I feel everything is wrong and I'm panicking - I don't know what to do', it's not going to help the good doctor cure my ailment. For that he needs to know exactly whats my issue. If it's a really bad cold+headache, he can prescribe something to clear my airway and soothe my nose and lungs. He can advise me to take an aspirin to relieve me of my headache. But for that he has to know my problem. For that, I have to know my problem.

Have you experienced this? Most things in life seem to going against you, you don't know what the problem is, but you seem to be swimming against life in most aspects. There is a feeling of unease, that things are not what they should be, circumstances can and should be better, why isn't my job satisfying me, why is my love life not fulfilling, why don't I feel happy around my family? If you have, join the club....

If you do get this feeling of something being wrong, there's pretty much only two things you can do - wait and ride over the feeling, or pinpoint what's wrong and get down to resolving it. The first option is we often (involuntarily) choose. We give in to the sinking feeling, brood for a couple of days, become irritable and moody, and wait for the gloominess to slowly wear off. But this is the passive approach. We don't improve, we certainly don't learn anything, and worse, the feeling can and does come back.

The second option is recognition - try to realize what's wrong with you. If work is a source of sorrow, track down what is causing it. Is it an incompatible colleague? A demanding/irritating boss? Unsatisfying work? Less pay? Lack of recognition of your efforts? A feeling of going nowhere despite working your ass off?
Once you have a draft of your list, you can classify the problems into the ones you can do something about and the others which are beyond your control. The second category is not worth worrying about, so you can set out formulating action plans for tackling the first set of problems. This builds confidence, and basically gives you something to do, rather than mull about, blaming your fate. Once the items start being stricken off the list, you get a sense of progress in your endeavour, and your attitude improves.

The bottomline? By a simple strategy of recognising and putting your specific problems onto paper, you can chalk out a plan to defeat those nitty-gritty issues, and emerge a much better....and happier person. Again, sounds theoretical I know, but it is working for me, and it might work for you.

My friends accuse me of smiling to myself a lot, as if remembering some private joke. It seems I break into a smile and shake my head, and on being asked about the source of that smile, I just say 'Nothing' and sideline the matter. So, what do I smile at? :)

I have this new thing about being aware of my thoughts. Whenever I think or act silly, a red warning light goes on in my head and says 'Dude, you're being stupid'. Recently I felt a twinge of jealousy about a close friend spending too much time with her other friends and not with me. And moments later, I was smiling to myself, thinking 'Man, you actually felt jealous about this?'

And at the same time I'm also thinking, 'When I'm preaching, this is exactly what I talk against. It's silly to feel jealous about this, it's illogical, it just doesn't hold water. If I could reason to myself before feeling anything, I would reason against feeling even the slightest bit jealous about this. But alas, the human mind is so weak, that we entertain thoughts we know are wrong, and there's very little we can do to stop it.'

This was a very small incident. Often we give in to ego - that great relationship killer. Ego is very important for self-development - anyone who has read Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead will agree with me on this. But this same ego is the number one bane when you become close to someone else. One says things one shouldn't, one thinks thoughts one knows are wrong. It is at moments like this that you know for sure you should not be thinking/saying/doing something, but your ego yanks the steering wheel from your hands and goes its own way. This is amusing when you think about it. You know you should not do something, but you end up doing it anyway.

That is why I smile. Don't tell my friends :)

If I ask you, do you think the majority of people in the world are happy or unhappy, most likely I'm going to hear an 'Unhappy, of course' from you. If not, I envy your faith in humankind.

Now we get to that elusive question, 'Why?'. Why are most people unhappy?
'If they knew that, Mister, they wouldn't be unhappy any longer, would they?' you ask.
Not entirely true. There are so many things we know are wrong with us, but we simply lack the strength or the patience to correct them. So even if we know why we are unhappy, we might not have the resources to set that right.

Coming back to the Why?, I think in most of the cases it's a simple case of wanting more. Now we all agree that greediness is a vice and usually leads to misery and downfall. But we often fail to admit that we are being greedy in more ways than meets the eye.

When things go smoothly, they raise our expectation from life. Till we encounter a disaster, we are not ready to admit that something like this could happen to us. Think about it and you'll realize what a silly thought that is. These hiccups are what bring you back to earth. What shows you how little you had to begin with, how lucky you are to have anything that you have.

You fail an exam. Perhaps not due to your own fault. Just plain bad luck. Things are not going fine in any aspect of your life. You don't see eye to eye with your parents, you had a bitter argument with your best friend, a toothache has been giving you hell for a week now, your job is not giving you the satisfaction you had dreamt of, everything is becoming so expensive......the list goes on. Some people even go to the extent of pointing out 'He did the exact same thing as me, yet it wasn't a disaster for him, why me then?'. What is wrong with these people?

Perspective. The classic question of whether the glass is half-full or half-empty is deeper than you might have thought. The glass is unchanged. But seeing it as half-full shows you what you have, as opposed to what you don't have or what is lost already. This question might just hold the key to your entire happiness. But knowing the answer is not enough, you have to know it. Really know it. Believe it, understand why it is the right answer.

Everytime you complain about something, see whether it has a positive side. Very few things don't. The mere fact that you're alive and experiencing life should be good enough to keep you grinning for the rest of your time here. But let's be practical. When you quarrel with your parents, be thankful that you have parents. Imagine if you didn't. When your tooth aches, become aware of the parts of your body that are intact and working smoothly. We don't appreciate our body till it starts failing. Had you ever noticed that tooth before it started keeping you up at night? :)

This sounds nice on paper, and I'm pretty sure you knew this in theory. But try thinking in this way next time. Maybe in the beginning a voice in your head will say 'Whom am I fooling? Life sucks; a rosy perspective isn't going to solve anything. All it will do is make me more irritated.'
The voice is right in it's place. It's just a view, reality does not change. But with time, what will change is how you respond to that reality. How you adapt. With time, this perspective will become second nature.

And then you will ask yourself the same question, 'Why the hell are people unhappy?'

Life is simple.

I really believe that. A younger me laughs at the current me. "Life is anything but simple, my friend. It takes.......well, a whole lifetime to figure out life. So simple is one thing it's not"

Maybe, but then, I do believe we complicate a lot of things that are really very straightforward (I'm fishing hard for an example here, but no takers yet). My point is - push for realization. Next time you feel life is so complicated, stop and ask yourself, is it really? Can I put down my problem on paper? If you can do that, you'll see that the matter was much smaller than you originally thought. And when you start attacking the problems one by one, you will know exactly how much you've progressed in your quest to simplify life.

I have a time management problem at work. The day flies by and I don't do as much as I think I can. To get around this, I've started noting down a To-Do list at the start of every day. As my tasks get completed, I strike them off my list. This way I know exactly where I stand at any point, how fast I should be moving and am I going to complete today's work today or not. Works wonderfully.

I've tried starting this post about 15 times now. Everytime I pressed the backspace key with the thought of 'What if someone who knows me reads this?' . The correct response, we all know, the one that scores full marks in an ideal world, is 'Who cares? Be yourself'

Not that simple. We still tend to define ourselves by what others think of us. Of course, not all the time, not in all respects. I hate generalizations. But whenever I do something just because it's expected of me, even though I don't want to do it, I remind myself, 'Dude, this is one of those times when you cease to be your own master. To hell with them, be yourself!'

Not that simple. My weakness overpowers me and I end up being a man with a mask - people see something I'm not, something I have put on especially to show them. I'm going to overcome this weakness, one step at a time. In this case, one honest post at a time. I don't care who's reading. I don't even care if anyone is reading. Right now, the only thing that feels good is the realization that I'm being myself - 100%.

Are you one of those lucky people who are (or have become) strong enough to be yourself? Do let me know in the comments.

Why a blog? What do I feel about opening my mind to any anonymous reader coming to this site? Will I post regularly? What should you expect here? Blah blah blah

I'm not answering any of this. This is my blog. And this was my first post. That should do :)
.....for now.