My drop in the ocean
Friday, 29 February 2008
Humility in an argument
I had an argument with a close friend some days ago. It started out as whether two singers had rendered two versions of a song in the same way, or was there a subtle difference in the notes they were singing. In particular, we were concentrating on a specific part of the song. I was saying there was a difference of half a note in the renditions, my friend was saying there was no difference at all.
Now I had been listening to this song again and again for the past two days - so I was pretty sure I was right. I even offered to prove by playing both the versions on my electronic keyboard. But my friend couldn't make out the difference in the notes - this deepened my confidence that I was right. I even had the audacity to tell her that since I have played it on the keyboard, I know the difference, but since she has just been listening to it, she might not have noticed it. Pretty soon, we were raising our voices, each of us sure that the other was wrong.
To cut a long story short, I was wrong. I realized this the next day, and informed my friend accordingly. To her credit, she didn't gloat about it at all. But it set me thinking, how easily we are convinced that we are 100% right - so convinced in fact, that we see any arguments coming from the other person as a frivolous waste of time. Part of our mind tells us that the other person is arguing just for argument's sake - it doesn't strike us that we might be doing the same.
I think the key is in realizing that humility is very important in any argument or debate, more so with our close ones. When I say that I'm right and you're wrong, what I'm essentially saying is that I don't respect your opinion; I'm sure what I'm saying is correct and anything you say isn't going to change that. Which is just a case of a big ego blowing out a lot of hot air. It is possible that my facts are misplaced, or that I simply don't know some things that you do.
It is very easy for a nice healthy debate to turn into an ego war, with statements such as 'I know you're saying that just to prove your point', or 'You always distort facts' or 'Last time you were wrong, I know even this time you're just arguing for argument's sake'. We become so aggressive that we forget we have been wrong before, and we could be wrong this time too.
So, whenever you next look up facts to prove you're right in a debate, don't forget to download a little humility too :-)
Now I had been listening to this song again and again for the past two days - so I was pretty sure I was right. I even offered to prove by playing both the versions on my electronic keyboard. But my friend couldn't make out the difference in the notes - this deepened my confidence that I was right. I even had the audacity to tell her that since I have played it on the keyboard, I know the difference, but since she has just been listening to it, she might not have noticed it. Pretty soon, we were raising our voices, each of us sure that the other was wrong.
To cut a long story short, I was wrong. I realized this the next day, and informed my friend accordingly. To her credit, she didn't gloat about it at all. But it set me thinking, how easily we are convinced that we are 100% right - so convinced in fact, that we see any arguments coming from the other person as a frivolous waste of time. Part of our mind tells us that the other person is arguing just for argument's sake - it doesn't strike us that we might be doing the same.
I think the key is in realizing that humility is very important in any argument or debate, more so with our close ones. When I say that I'm right and you're wrong, what I'm essentially saying is that I don't respect your opinion; I'm sure what I'm saying is correct and anything you say isn't going to change that. Which is just a case of a big ego blowing out a lot of hot air. It is possible that my facts are misplaced, or that I simply don't know some things that you do.
It is very easy for a nice healthy debate to turn into an ego war, with statements such as 'I know you're saying that just to prove your point', or 'You always distort facts' or 'Last time you were wrong, I know even this time you're just arguing for argument's sake'. We become so aggressive that we forget we have been wrong before, and we could be wrong this time too.
So, whenever you next look up facts to prove you're right in a debate, don't forget to download a little humility too :-)
